


Twin troubles

by WhiteHairedBoy



Category: Devil May Cry
Genre: Crack, I know this sound crazy but I took a comment from YIAY and made a fanfiction out of it, M/M, Pizza, Sibling Incest, Twincest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-24
Updated: 2016-03-24
Packaged: 2018-05-28 20:47:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6344566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhiteHairedBoy/pseuds/WhiteHairedBoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Taking pizza away from Dante is a REALLY bad idea, and Vergil won't like where this story is going.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Twin troubles

Dante was sprawled on the chair behind the desk, sleeping with a magazine opened on his face. Tiny drops of water ran down his white hair, soaking the pages which then dropped them on his naked torso. The fan on the ceiling rotated slowly, not able to produce even a whirl of air in the hotness of the room. Suddenly, the front door opened, crashing into the already semi-destroyed wall. The loud noise didn't seem to faze the man, who didn't move even when an angry Vergil stormed into the office.

"Dante!" He exclaimed, a dangerous tone in his voice. "How long are you going to keep this up?"  
No answer came from the other twin, who seemed to be still profoundly asleep.  
"I know you are awake. Stop acting like a child, or I will have to take action." He moved towards the centre of the office, staring at the other man.

"What's the matter? Did someone piss in your coffee, Verge?" Dante raised his feet from the desk, then dropped them on the floor and got up, grabbing the falling magazine in mid-air. Lazily, he passed a hand through his wet locks while he moved towards the fridge, purposely avoiding his blue-wearing clone in the middle of the shop. The latter, though, didn't enjoy this treatment and moved to step in his path.

"You haven't accepted a job in weeks." His features stiffened, betraying the irritation that could not be detected in his voice, yet the other circled around him just as if nothing had happened and opened the fridge.  
"Oh, come on! There's no more pizza left!" Dante slammed the fridge shut and turned around to see Vergil look at him.

"Is there, little brother?" With these words the older twin produced the ghost of a smile and let one of his eyebrows rise slightly, then left just like he had arrived, the blue coat flapping behind him.

"He's up to something. And it won't be good." His brother muttered to himself, dropping back on his chair.

\---

"Vergil! What the fuck did you do?" This time it was an extremely angry Dante who entered Devil May Cry shouting, just to find his perfectly collected twin sitting on the couch, admiring the blade of his dear Yamato. At the entrance of the other man he had raised his eyes, just to bring them back on the Katana after a few seconds.

"Don't ignore me! I'm hungry and I want an explanation!" The younger growled at the other's face after crossing the room in a heartbeat.  
"Don't you feel a sense of de-ja-vu, brother dear?" Vergil replied, then he continued, a sly smile on his face: "Plus, I have NO idea of what you are talking about."

"Yeah, sure, you definitely have NOTHING to do with all the restaurants in town refusing to sell me pizza!" These words were loud, filling the small room, yet Vergil was unfazed, having expected such a reaction from Dante.

"I can be pretty convincing." The older twin decided it wouldn't have been productive to keep irritating the other, and started explaining what was happening. "It seems many people find me more prone than you to cutting them to tiny pieces in the event they did not do what I asked."

"What do you want?" Dante forced Vergil down, hands on his brother's shoulders, preventing him from moving away.

"Nothing, for me. But..." The shadow of a joke passed behind the blue-wearing twin's eyes "I DID want to let you know that I might change my mind if you decided to get up and get a job."

With these words he swiftly freed from his brother's grip, and in a glimpse of shining metal Yamato was buried deep into the other's chest. Dante's expression quickly mutated from annoyed to surprised, as drops of blood passed his lips.

"Now, Dante... Don't you think we could be discussing much more interesting topics?"

\---

When Lady and Trish walked into the shop, sometime after, they found an extremely strange situation. Apart from the obvious mess that invaded the place and the smell of bonded demons that made the blonde cringe, what jumped to the eye were the two figures who were discussing in the middle of the room.

Dante and Vergil hadn't even noticed the two girls, too engrossed in the argument to notice anything that wasn't a threat. As a testimony of what had been going on until just some moments before were the twins' clothes, discarded around them on the floor. Dante wasn't wearing anything but his pants and didn't seem to be intentioned to do anything about it, grinning at an angry Vergil, who was at least trying to get dressed, as he was putting on his vest.

The continuation of a sentence the girls hadn't heard reached their ears. "... Why, you're telling me you didn't find that funny, Verge?"  
"Sex isn't supposed to be FUNNY, Dante." With this answer, said in a gelid tone, the older brother grabbed his coat from the floor, along with Yamato, and teleported outside, not seeming to notice the astonished audience, or perhaps just ignoring them.

The other half-demon threw his head back and laughed, to then notice he wasn't alone in the room. "Trish, Lady... How are you?"  
Lady strode forward, considering sitting on the couch, but Trish stopped her. "I don't think you want to touch that."  
"I don't see why you'd say that." The male demon hunter replied. "A little bit of blood never killed anybody... Apart from the person who bleeds, maybe." He chuckled and pulled his boots on.  
"Can you assure me it's just blood?"  
Dante didn't answer, circling the desk to sit back on the old chair.

"Anyway, what was all that about?" Lady entered the conversation while trying really hard not to look at the 'not just blood' spots in the shop. "I definitely want nothing to do with your sex life, but your brother seemed pretty pissed."  
"Oh, I'm sure it's not that interesting."  
Trish scuffled. "OK, ok. We owe you a favour. What do you want, pizza? Fine. Now spit it out."

"Woah, I didn't expect you two to be the gossip type! But, if you insist... Well, pizza is exactly the problem. Since I hadn't done anything in the last weeks, Verge got mad and decided to cut my pizza supplies, so I thought I had to return the favour."  
Dante was being extremely vague, something very uncharacteristic of him.  
"WHAT did you do?" Lady exclaimed, while Trish muttered something along the lines of: "Since when are you the one who gives Vergil lessons?"

"I said 'yep'." He looked at the other two demon hunters.  
"And by that you mean...?" Even Trish seemed to be extremely curious and annoyed because of the lack of explanation that was coming from Dante, which, based on his grin, seemed to be exactly what he wanted.  
"I thought you didn't want the details! Well, fine." The half-demon said, trying to sound concessive. "Instead of the usual stuff you say, pant, gasp or scream while you're being fucked senselessly..."

"WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE?" Lady interrupted.  
"You're the one who asked. As I was saying, in place of all that, I might have limited my vocabulary to the word 'yep'." At this point, Dante was practically laughing.

Both girls looked at him with shocked expressions on their faces. "You can't be serious. What is your problem, Dante?"  
"You mean, APART from the obvious lack of pizza?"


End file.
